Gratitude is a Way of Life

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This was written the day before Thanksgiving in anticipation of the Thanksgiving holiday. 

Wow! I arrived in Chacala yesterday, and what a treat! I am so grateful for this special place, and for the part of me that took the action to create a home here. Who woulda' thought?

It has been bright, sunny, and warm all day. But, wait, before I go on and on about Chacala, here is what I've been thinking about this Thanksgiving time in the USA:

I am receiving some wonderful mails and newsletters this Thanksgiving time and day tomorrow. Thank you all for writing. I want to take the idea of giving thanks out a little farther... to the power of gratitude.

When we find our way to gratitude as a way of life, we are in LOVE, simply and easily. You cannot truly be grateful and in fear at the same time. When you're not afraid, you can live in your default state of love and gratitude. Happiness.

The gratitude I am thinking of comes when we accept all that the universe is. We see the perfection of creation, and our hearts open to receive What IS. An apprentice once looked up "acceptance" in the dictionary (because I talk about it a lot), and found this definition: "Readiness to receive." When you are ready to receive part or all of this amazing universe just the way it is, you are in acceptance.

When you are ready to receive the magnificence of Life, how could you not be in Gratitude...? And when you find that place inside often enough, you have made it a way of Life. Gratitude is a way of Life. And it is the way of a Life of love, acceptance, and receptivity.

It is the Spiritual Warrior's way in the world.

So, for those celebrating, Happy Thanksgiving. For those not in the US or those rejecting the holiday, I invite you to embrace your gratitude for Life. It is quite a gift, you know.

Go out and hug a Pilgrim or a turkey! And be grateful you can.

And now about Chacala once again!

I arrived at my winter home, The House of the Eagles in Chacala, Nayarit, Mexico, yesterday. The temperature today has been in the mild 80's, the skies blue, and the jungle around town filled with green and the many colors of flowers and butterflies.

I urge you to consider joining me here-- for our annual Valentine's Week workshop (February 10~14), a personal intensive with me (mid-January and mid-March now available), or simply to relax on the beach and watch a beautiful sunset (come as you are).

We will also be celebrating New Year's in Chacala: "A Conscious Beginning ~ Embracing Abundance." Please join us.

Some of the details are here (The Joydancer site is under revision)

Please contact me directly for more information: allanh@sonic.net

Pictures speak a thousand words... here are 10,000 words about my beloved Chacala... I look forward to seeing you here.

Chacala is located 90 minutes north of Puerto Vallarta, in the state of Nayarit, on the tropical west coast of Mexico. Puerto Vallarta is an easy flight from everywhere. I can help you with transportation from PV and lodging in Chacala.

We are a village of about 400 wonderful and warm Mexican locals, and a small number of smart and/or lucky "internationals." The beach is clean and safe, the fish and shrimp at the beach restaurants are fresh from the sea. Sunsets can be spectacular. Comfortable lodging $40-65 USD per night.

Please pay no attention to the media sensationalism about violence in Mexico. Yes, there is trouble, mostly in border cities. I drove 2,065 miles down from Nogales, AZ, and most of Mexico remains a lovely, friendly, peaceful country. Puerto Vallarta is rated as one of the safest cities in the world -- and Chacala, well, watch out for those margaritas at Las Brisas on the beach!

There is NO reason for you not to come down. Join me for New Year's or Valentine's celebrations, a personal intensive of five days or more, or come on vacation and let me show you my paradise... and the best place on the beach for a margarita and sunset.

Did I mention it is warm in the middle of the winter!!??

Get in touch, and we'll go from there. My website is in a bit of disarray, so contact me directly as needed: allanh@sonic.net.

Yours in love and The New Dream of Peace in the Hearts of All Humans,

Allan

You Are Good Enough For Love

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The misperception that causes the most trouble in all relationships is the idea that we have to prove we are good enough to be worthy of love and acceptance. It is the basic lie of our childhood domestication, and the foundation of all the other life-limiting beliefs we've made in our lives. The lie says we won't be able to relax and really enjoy our lives until we have improved, enhanced, developed, achieved, and reached the ultimate in our physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual skills and capabilities.

When you stop to think about it, it doesn't really make any sense. Does IT!? We have to be better to be worthy of love? Everyone has to be better than they are? Weird. Everyone has to reach higher standards of achievement than... who? Themselves? Each other?

We learned we weren't good enough when our caregivers set conditions for their love. They made it clear they were angry, disappointed, hurt, sad, or uninterested because of our attitudes, behaviors, or lack thereof. What we did wasn't good enough for them to be constantly delighted in us.

So we learned to hide our emotions, needs, and truth, in order to avoid their rejection and earn their approval, acceptance, safety, love, or interest. For many of us, the agreements from childhood became the agreements of our adult lives. Most adults believe they must prove their worth. And romantic relationships with that lie as a foundation are doomed to failure. When two people are trying to get each other's approval by pretending to be someone they are not in order to hold on to the "love" from the other... there is only fear, not real love.

Here it is:

"You can never be good enough by proving you are!"

I said that. And I'll say it again and again!! The only thing you have to do is KNOW you are okay right here, right now, in this moment -- you are a perfect, glorious inspiration of Life, from Life, and as Life. There is nothing to prove, defend, get right, justify, hide, or improve! You are actually the source of love in your life.

If you don't know that simple truth, your relationships will always be difficult, because you will always be trying to prove your worth, and denying the truth of the real you.

I counsel singles and couples to guide them to relationships based on the truth of the perfection of themselves, their partners, and the universe. It is the only way I know to be at peace and IN love, with self and others.

"Allan, we are increasingly appreciative of the time we spent with you, and for what an amazing teacher you are." L.M., Canada

I would be honored if you offered me the opportunity to support you in the same way I did with Kevin and Karen (a married couple I counseled in an article featured in "FIRST for Women" national magazine) and countless others in the last 20 years. We can work by Skype, phone, or here in Chacala during my Valentine's Relationship Retreat or with a personal intensive. I am here to serve you.

Please read about my counseling options here

Read the article about my work with Kevin and Karen here

Read my article about The New Relationship ~ Five Agreements to Make Love Come True


And purchase the 5 CD set of my Five Agreements here

Please contact me, and we'll go from there. My website is in a bit of disarray, so contact me directly as needed: allanh@sonic.net

Yours IN love and The New Dream of Peace in the Hearts of All Humans,


Allan

A Question for don Allan, by Marianne Perchlik

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This is an edited excerpt from one of the three weekly chats with Allan Hardman that take place in the Toltec Apprenticeship Community Online(TACO) available at Allan Hardman's website www. joydancer.com

Marianne: I wonder if we could go over exactly what is happening when fear grips us TACOallan… at some point… maybe a slow motion version

Allan Hardman:

Hmmmm….like a step by step….

Let’s see:

1. a situation, or event occurs in the universe.

2. The light from that event travels through space, the exact messenger of the event

3. the light from that event enters the channels of perception

4. The light picks up stored light in the channels of perception, and is distorted.

5. The mind sees the distorted version of the light and believes it is really what happened out there.

6. According to the habits and programming of the mind and what stored light was added to the incoming truth/light, an emotional reaction will occur in the physical body.

7. The mind will further believe the emotional reaction was caused by the event in the universe/creation.

8. thus, the mind strengthens its own belief in its distortions, contributing to increasing distortions and emotions later

9. We say that the Parasite is the source of the distortions

10. The parasite lives/feeds on fear

11. It is important to the parasite that the human it lives off of exeriences fear.

12. The parasite has the capacity to distort the incoming light in ways that create fear.

13. An important part of the parasite is the Judge, who is very capable of distorting perceptions to create fear.

14. The part that is afraid is the child, who grew up with the judge and the fear that he/she was not okay, not enough, and would die unless he/she figured out how to get it right.

15. He/she could never get it right.

16. And the judge reminds him/her that he/she never will get it right.

17. And the parasite eats the fear of the child.

18. And the fear creates more fear

19. And the parasite grows stronger

20. The warrior knows only love, and feeds the parasite love.

21. The parasite isn’t interested, wrong food

22. The warrior persists.

23. In time, the parasite remembers that its food is not fear, its emotions.

24. when the parasite begins to feed on love instead of fear, it can be healed

25. The warrior must be patient and persistant without expectations or attachments to the outcome.

26. When the parasite is feeding only on love, it becomes our ally.

27. An ally supports our highest good, with love and acceptance of the truth of who and what we truly are.

28. At that point, the parasite and ally and warrior and child slowly merge to become THE JOYDANCER ~ DANCING IN JOY WITH LIFE.

29. And so it is.

30. thank you

In this actual chat, which is available on the chat transcripts within the TACO website, there were actually 8 or so apprentices all asking other questions and responding to these individual responses that in this particular case, Allan numbered for us in response to my question, and also in between responded to the many other questions from the others in the group... which is typical.  The TACOchat is only one of the many learning tools available at TACO and the opportunities for engaging spiritual conversation with Allan and other apprentices in a forum that honors your distinct spiritual awakening among people all over the planet, at any time of day or night as is convenient for anyone, is a tool so crafted to be available and present for each seeker, it is truly a glory of God today.

Allan Hardman is a joy to behold.  For me, it was helpful that he was not someone from another culture.  He is a regular guy who grew up somewhere in Southern California, listened to the rolling stones, was once a beekeeper, and YET he is a Spiritual Master of such magnitude, there is no path he is afraid to walk to meet you if you are seeking.  I hope for any one of my friends, that you can offer yourself the gift of such a wonderful Master of Love!  The toltec teaching and language is also so playful, not at all a dogma, but a mere imagination to explore within yourself,  take what works and move on...

Managing Emotional Intimacy

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All relationships are based on agreements, and most agreements, especially in romantic relationships, are unconscious and unspoken.

A particularly well hidden and unconscious agreement about emotional intimacy occurs in most couples. It is usually part of the mating and courtship ritual because that is when those agreements need to be made, and then continues throughout the relationship. Almost everyone judges themselves about something, and usually many things. They reject themselves for who and what they are, what they need, what they think, what they want, what they are afraid of -- mostly according to the judgments and rejections of childhood. We are afraid of those parts of us being seen by another, because we know we will be rejected. After all, we already reject ourselves for them.

So, we have to hide them. We cannot allow another person, especially someone whose love we need or want to capture, see those parts of ourselves we reject. We wear masks, develop strategies, and drop into roles instead of being present. If someone who has lots to hide tries to mate with someone who is willing to show up to see and be seen, fear arises in the hider, and many excuses and stories will develop to discount and end the relationship. The one who doesn't need to hide can see too clearly, which is a danger to the one hiding.

So the agreement to manage intimacy needs to be between people with similar degrees of vulnerability. If a woman, for instance, has a level of fear about being truly seen, she will need to mate with a man who is equally afraid. She might complain about him not spending "quality time" with her, or tell her girlfriends she is lonely in the relationship. But if he goes off to a men's weekend workshop and comes back all opened up and wanting to look deeply into her soul, she will do whatever she can to sabotage his new-found openness. He is breaking their agreement.

My definition of intimacy includes the willingness to be vulnerable-- to allow someone to see past our masks and strategies and directly into the truth of who we are. If we are not intimate with ourselves, if we have not accepted and loved the truth of who we are as a unique expression of the divine force of Life itself, then we cannot be intimate with others at the deep level of true connection.

People who are open and willing/eager to be intimate in this way will also seek out people with a similar desire for that level of intimacy, and make the same agreements -- although theirs might be more conscious. It is really an agreement to manage the level of vulnerability and intimacy in the relationship.

So, needing to hide to whatever degree we do, we have to choose partners with a similar level of willingness. This is true for one of the couples that sought my guidance recently. While he and she were very different from each other, they were both wounded and hiding to the same degree. She was comfortable with his lack of connection (although she complained about it), his working all the time, and his extreme physical lifestyle, because it suited her fear of being seen and rejected. He was hiding in his work and perfectionism to avoid the same thing. It worked for many years until her desire to be more connected with life brought them into an apprenticeship with me.

As they learned to accept themselves as they are, they found a mutual love and companionship that transcends their rather different personalities. What joins them is a love for loving... loving and accepting themselves and each other and the world they live in. They really do enjoy each other now, and have a lot of fun together. They have a new agreement about intimacy, and it serves them well.

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To receive more of Allan's stimulating thoughts and wisdom, along with news events in the Joydancer Toltec Tradition of The Four Agreements, make sure to subscribe to Allan's e-newsletter, "The Weekly Word and News" on Joydancer here: http://joydancer.com

Why Go on Spiritual Journeys?

If you are on a path of personal transformation or spiritual growth, I encourage you to use spiritual journeys to sacred sites to enhance and empower your journey. Consider these benefits of spiritual travel.

• Spiritual journeys will take you to places that you might have never considered exploring alone, or will offer you insight into sacred sites that you would never experience on your own. I followed my teacher to the pyramids and temples of Egypt, the Mayan jungle cities of the Yucatan, Guatemala, and Honduras, to Machu Picchu and the magical Inca sites of Peru, Oaxaca, and many times to my favorite, the Toltec pyramid complex of Teotihuacán, Mexico.

• Being in a sacred site away from home releases you from the confines and expectations of people and work, and frees your mind and soul to embrace exciting new possibilities about Life and Love. I guarantee that gazing out from the top of a pyramid after a powerful ceremony, or taking in the sweep of an ancient city like Peru’s Machu Picchu from a high terrace, will offer you a new and perhaps challenging view of your life at home.

• Many sacred sites in the world were built in the ancient mystery school traditions to be “Universities” of silent knowledge and transformation, and that power endures in the dream of each place. When you enter a site like Teotihuacán or Machu Picchu, you are overcome with the spiritual power of the site, and the living intent of those who built it many centuries ago. You are invited to allow their dream to become your reality-- the dream of the absolute Divine Perfection of all of the Universe, including YOU.

• Trips guided by an experienced spiritual teacher offer you opportunities to learn new tools to strengthen the freedom and transformation you have mastered, and to take them home with you to integrate into your daily life.

• In addition, there is the pleasure of bonding and playing with a group of like-minded new friends, and to engage in exotic Power Shopping for yourself and your loved ones that are stuck back home.

The pyramid complex at Teotihuacan in central Mexico is a good example of a powerful spiritual journey site, and my favorite. Perhaps you have read about “Teo” in Beyond Fear, by Miguel Ruiz.

Teo was built two millennia ago, by a little known people often called the Toltecs. The pyramids are easy to get to near Mexico City, blessed with wonderful hotel accommodations, and yet exist in a different world. Teotihuacán means “The Place Where Humans Awake and Remember They are Divine.” What place could be more perfect for a journey of exploration into the spiritual truth of who you are?

The ancient Toltecs gave us three masteries: The Masteries of Awareness, Transformation, and Intent. Teotihuacan is designed as the ideal place to explore each of these masteries. As you move through the complex, you first become aware of the “Mitote” in your mind-- that sound of 1000 people talking at the market place and nobody listening. That confusing and sometimes abusive noise has been programmed into your mind during childhood, and for most people it is the operating system of adult life. It generally does not serve you.

The Mastery of Transformation offers you many tools for re-programming your mind as you choose. When you truly do have choice, my assumption is you will choose to be free from suffering, blame, jealousy, or any of the other reactions that go against your happiness.

After you have transformed how you dream your life, and you are always in a love communion with Creation, you enter the Mastery of Intent, or the Mastery of Love-- Divine Love and acceptance for all of Life. This is the key to true spiritual and human happiness.

Teotihuacán has been built for this journey, and the magic of the place and the energy of the many who have found spiritual awakening there supports the healing and transformation of all who open themselves to receive it.

No matter where your path of personal empowerment takes you, I encourage you to experience spiritual journeys. Leave your books, family, home and clocks behind-- go to sacred places of magic and power, with a teacher or guide that will support your opening to the awe of pure awareness and love. Go away, to come home to yourself.

Join me in Mexico this October! Watch my invitation here: 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gtmQBhV3VCc

Your Sword in the Stone

by Allan Hardman

After the death of Uther Pendragon, king of the Britons, there was great strife throughout the land, because there was no clear successor to the throne. So Merlin sent word that all of the barons and knights of the land must gather in one place to hold a tournament and there decide who might take the crown and rule the kingdom.

But when the noblemen gathered for the tournament, they found that Merlin had not come. Instead, they saw a huge stone with a naked sword of the brightest steel plunged deep into it. And in the blade of the sword were inscribed in letters of gold, “Whoever pulls this sword from the stone is the rightful king of Britain.”

Many believed they had rightful claim to the throne and attempted to pull the sword from the stone. One by one, they failed. Among those who came to the tournaments was Sir Ector, with his young son, Sir Kay, who had just been granted knighthood and was preparing to compete in the jousts.

When Sir Kay discovered that he had forgotten to bring his sword from their lodgings, he asked his younger brother, Arthur, to go back for it. Unable to find the sword, the young Arthur returned in despair. As he returned to the tournament grounds he saw a strange thing: a sword thrust into a stone. Knowing nothing of Merlin and the challenge, he effortlessly pulled the sword from the stone and took it to his brother.

On seeing Arthur with the sword, Sir Ector, who had been a loyal leigeman to King Pendragon, fell upon his knee and swore his loyalty to the new king of the Britons.

Sir Ector then told Arthur that he was not his real father. Arthur was in truth the son a a high-born noble. As a baby his life had been endangered, and so Merlin the Magician had delivered him to Ector to be raised as his son. Now, the oracle of the Sword in the Stone had spoken, and the boy named Arthur was the chosen one: the true King of the Britons.

You, like Arthur, are of noble birth, and your life was in danger. Your true identity was hidden while you were raised by others. In your domestication, you fell asleep to the truth of your noble birth and personal power.

The sword is your Word, your power of creation. Perhaps believing you were looking for the sword for someone else, you have come here to this place of the Spiritual Warrior, to discover your own power of creation. And now your challenge: The stone is the “Mitote,” the Dream of the Planet. It is a dream based in fear and judgement and lack — it is the dream in which your Word is held. Are you ready to claim your right to be the true king of your inner kingdom? Are you ready to use your word to create gratitude, love, loyalty, and justice, both within and without?

The sword is your Word, the stone is your Mitote. Perhaps this is your moment. Seize it!

The Divine Valentine

This universe we live in an amazing place. It is beyond amazing, to the point of unimaginable. If you were going to invent a universe, would you have thought of all the details that are here?

It was raining pretty hard yesterday, and I began thinking about what a great system that is. All of life needs water to survive. Most of the water is in the ocean, and so a system was developed in which the water would lift up from the ocean into fluffy white balls (“clouds”) which would then drift over the land, and the water in these white balls would form droplets and (more or less) gently scatter themselves all over the land.

The land soaks up as much of the water as possible to hold for plants and animals to use, and the extra runs back into the ocean, where it waits to be lifted back into the air for delivery to the land again. Not only that, but the “clouds” are able to lift the water and leave the salt in the ocean, because the salt would be harmful to the plants and animals.

Would you have thought of those details? Or how about inventing a system to heal wounds? Or how to keep a heart beating three billion times in a human’s life—without the human even having to be aware of it!? Wow!

We are spinning through space on a ball of molten rock in a universe that is so huge (or so small) and so marvelously complex there is no way to comprehend what is going on here. There is a force here, a creative, animating power that we cannot see except by being aware of what it does. And it does everything in the entire universe.

This mysterious force is everywhere. It is in everything. They say that before anything was here, it was here. That must mean that it made what is here out of itself, since there was nothing else to make things with before anything else was here. Yes? There is One perfect whole-- which means to me that all the parts of the whole must be perfect, also.

If that is true, then YOU are clearly made by and out of that creative force, that Divine energy… Spirit, Life, God, Love. You are both made from and animated by the Divine Life Force that is the only thing here, in and through all of Creation. If the whole is a perfect One, then the parts must be perfect, also. And since you are a part of this universe, then I insist that you are perfect, also. Logic demands it, Spirit knows it.

There is no place where that Divine Perfection stops and anything else begins… nowhere it stops and you begin. You are perfect. You are The Divine.

You are the Life, the Spirit, the Love that is the Universe.

YOU ARE THE DIVINE VALENTINE. HAPPY DAY!

Thank you for sharing Allan’s message with others

We are delighted to have you share the articles and all the information onJoydancer.com, with friends, family, strangers, print media, and web sites. We ask you to include the following biographical source notes, including a link back to Joydancer.com. We enjoy hearing where Allan’s love and wisdom has found a place in the world, so drop us a note and let us know:articles@joydancer.com

THIS:

Allan Hardman is an author and expert on personal and spiritual transformation, relationships, emotional healing-- and a Toltec Master in the lineage of don Miguel Ruiz, author of The Four Agreements.™ Allan teaches in Sonoma County, CA, guides “Journeys of the Spirit” to sacred sites in Mexico, and hosts wellness vacations to tropical paradises. He is the author of The Everything Toltec Wisdom Book , and co-author of two books with Deepak Chopra, Caroline Myss, Dr. Andrew Weil, Prince Charles, and others. subscribe to Allan's free e-newsletter, The Weekly Word, and visit his extensive website at www.joydancer.com ~ or join "TACO," his online spiritual networking community at: http://taco.joydancer.com

On Becoming a Toltec Dream Master

We awaken to the truth that "reality" is all a dream and we are the dreamers.

By Allan Hardman

In your nightmare, you are running and running... there is no way to escape... you feel the fear pounding through your body. Suddenly, you awaken, maybe drenched in sweat, and realize that it was only a bad dream. You were dreaming it, and it was not real. You are safe.

Imagine with me that your life now is only a dream. Imagine that you are asleep in a different way, dreaming your life, projecting it out through your belief systems and agreements into a world that simply dreams it with you. Perhaps your dream scares you. Or perhaps it seems out of your control, and you are running, running, and there is nowhere to feel safe.

Now imagine what it would feel like to awaken and realize that you have been dreaming this dream of your life, and it is not real... no more real than your nightmare. Imagine that you could awaken and discover that everything you believe and know to be "true" about life and the world is only a dream. You awaken to discover that a long time ago, you were "domesticated." You were taught the dream of your life by the people that were there ahead of you, dreaming their dream of life together.

You awaken, and in your new awareness, you decide to dream your dream for yourself. You decide to become a master of your own awareness, to direct your own attention and discover what you believe to be true. You awaken from their dream, and begin to dream your own dream. And you feel safe, maybe for the first time.

With the Toltec Masteries of Awareness, Transformation, and Intent, we awaken to the truth that "reality" is all a dream and we are the dreamers. In our awakening, we rebel against our domestication, and create our new dream of life. You awaken, you become a Dream Master, and your life becomes a masterpiece of art.

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Allan Hardman is an author and expert on personal and spiritual transformation, relationships, emotional healing-- and a Toltec Master in the lineage of don Miguel Ruiz, author of The Four Agreements.™ Allan teaches in Sonoma County, CA, guides “Journeys of the Spirit” to sacred sites in Mexico, and hosts wellness vacations to tropical paradises. He is the author of The Everything Toltec Wisdom Book, and co-author of The Heart of Healing and Healing the Heart of the World, with Deepak Chopra, Caroline Myss, Dr. Andrew Weil, Prince Charles, and others. Visit Allan’s extensive website and TACO, his online spiritual networking community, at www.joydancer.com.