The Divine Valentine

This universe we live in an amazing place. It is beyond amazing, to the point of unimaginable. If you were going to invent a universe, would you have thought of all the details that are here?

It was raining pretty hard yesterday, and I began thinking about what a great system that is. All of life needs water to survive. Most of the water is in the ocean, and so a system was developed in which the water would lift up from the ocean into fluffy white balls (“clouds”) which would then drift over the land, and the water in these white balls would form droplets and (more or less) gently scatter themselves all over the land.

The land soaks up as much of the water as possible to hold for plants and animals to use, and the extra runs back into the ocean, where it waits to be lifted back into the air for delivery to the land again. Not only that, but the “clouds” are able to lift the water and leave the salt in the ocean, because the salt would be harmful to the plants and animals.

Would you have thought of those details? Or how about inventing a system to heal wounds? Or how to keep a heart beating three billion times in a human’s life—without the human even having to be aware of it!? Wow!

We are spinning through space on a ball of molten rock in a universe that is so huge (or so small) and so marvelously complex there is no way to comprehend what is going on here. There is a force here, a creative, animating power that we cannot see except by being aware of what it does. And it does everything in the entire universe.

This mysterious force is everywhere. It is in everything. They say that before anything was here, it was here. That must mean that it made what is here out of itself, since there was nothing else to make things with before anything else was here. Yes? There is One perfect whole-- which means to me that all the parts of the whole must be perfect, also.

If that is true, then YOU are clearly made by and out of that creative force, that Divine energy… Spirit, Life, God, Love. You are both made from and animated by the Divine Life Force that is the only thing here, in and through all of Creation. If the whole is a perfect One, then the parts must be perfect, also. And since you are a part of this universe, then I insist that you are perfect, also. Logic demands it, Spirit knows it.

There is no place where that Divine Perfection stops and anything else begins… nowhere it stops and you begin. You are perfect. You are The Divine.

You are the Life, the Spirit, the Love that is the Universe.

YOU ARE THE DIVINE VALENTINE. HAPPY DAY!

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Allan Hardman is an author and expert on personal and spiritual transformation, relationships, emotional healing-- and a Toltec Master in the lineage of don Miguel Ruiz, author of The Four Agreements.™ Allan teaches in Sonoma County, CA, guides “Journeys of the Spirit” to sacred sites in Mexico, and hosts wellness vacations to tropical paradises. He is the author of The Everything Toltec Wisdom Book , and co-author of two books with Deepak Chopra, Caroline Myss, Dr. Andrew Weil, Prince Charles, and others. subscribe to Allan's free e-newsletter, The Weekly Word, and visit his extensive website at www.joydancer.com ~ or join "TACO," his online spiritual networking community at: http://taco.joydancer.com

On Becoming a Toltec Dream Master

We awaken to the truth that "reality" is all a dream and we are the dreamers.

By Allan Hardman

In your nightmare, you are running and running... there is no way to escape... you feel the fear pounding through your body. Suddenly, you awaken, maybe drenched in sweat, and realize that it was only a bad dream. You were dreaming it, and it was not real. You are safe.

Imagine with me that your life now is only a dream. Imagine that you are asleep in a different way, dreaming your life, projecting it out through your belief systems and agreements into a world that simply dreams it with you. Perhaps your dream scares you. Or perhaps it seems out of your control, and you are running, running, and there is nowhere to feel safe.

Now imagine what it would feel like to awaken and realize that you have been dreaming this dream of your life, and it is not real... no more real than your nightmare. Imagine that you could awaken and discover that everything you believe and know to be "true" about life and the world is only a dream. You awaken to discover that a long time ago, you were "domesticated." You were taught the dream of your life by the people that were there ahead of you, dreaming their dream of life together.

You awaken, and in your new awareness, you decide to dream your dream for yourself. You decide to become a master of your own awareness, to direct your own attention and discover what you believe to be true. You awaken from their dream, and begin to dream your own dream. And you feel safe, maybe for the first time.

With the Toltec Masteries of Awareness, Transformation, and Intent, we awaken to the truth that "reality" is all a dream and we are the dreamers. In our awakening, we rebel against our domestication, and create our new dream of life. You awaken, you become a Dream Master, and your life becomes a masterpiece of art.

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Allan Hardman is an author and expert on personal and spiritual transformation, relationships, emotional healing-- and a Toltec Master in the lineage of don Miguel Ruiz, author of The Four Agreements.™ Allan teaches in Sonoma County, CA, guides “Journeys of the Spirit” to sacred sites in Mexico, and hosts wellness vacations to tropical paradises. He is the author of The Everything Toltec Wisdom Book, and co-author of The Heart of Healing and Healing the Heart of the World, with Deepak Chopra, Caroline Myss, Dr. Andrew Weil, Prince Charles, and others. Visit Allan’s extensive website and TACO, his online spiritual networking community, at www.joydancer.com.

Five Ways to Avoid Intimacy

When an apprentice called me to tell me his wife was thinking about leaving him, he was mystified about what more she could want from him. He worked hard, supported her so she could be a stay-at-home Mom, he mowed the lawn, and kept the oil changed in the car. He was always busy with tasks and duties to support his family. He was feeling unappreciated, and helpless to get it right for her.

In my previous writings, I have shared my definition of intimacy as “our willingness to be open and present and share ourselves with others.” I have also described how we lost our connection with our feelings during our childhood domestication, when we were made wrong and punished for them. As adults, to be open and share ourselves with others carries the same fear that it did when we were young. We cannot afford to be present and known as ourselves because of the danger of being rejected, cast out, abandoned, punished, or worse.

So the intimacy we crave is, at the same time, our biggest fear. It is not surprising that many of us have created strategies, mostly during childhood, to protect us from being seen and being known. I offer you here five of the ways people in our culture have learned to avoid intimacy.

When I listened to the story of my apprentice, I noticed that he had many judgments about his wife. He complained about her lack of attention to him because she was always rushing off to help friends, strangers, and causes in need. He told me he wasn't really attracted to her because she wasn't taking care of herself and her body the way she used to. My apprentice had many justifications for being distant from the woman that he was afraid of losing.

In our conversation, my apprentice illustrated two major strategies anyone can use to avoid intimacy with their beloved.

#1: Stay very busy. Always make sure you don't have time to sit, be present, and share with your beloved. She might find out that you are not who you pretend to be. Projects are more important than people. Focus on getting a lot of things done and done well. If you can sacrifice yourself in the process, you can make the other person feel guilty for complaining about your lack of presence.

#2: Judge the other person. Whether it is out loud or silently to yourself, make sure you find and illuminate their faults. This will justify your not wanting to be present with them. It also serves to validate your superiority. When you rise above them, you don't need to be intimate.

It turned out that my apprentice's wife was also illustrating a couple of good strategies for us. She was constantly overwhelmed by taking care of her husband, children, and home, the aging family dog, and her many social and ecological causes. In her rush to get everything done and take care of everyone else, she was not taking good care of herself and her own needs—she said she wanted to, but couldn't find the time. She gives us…

#3: Be a caretaker of others. Caretake to hide. You really want to be intimate, but you are needed elsewhere. When the chores are done, the kids are in bed, all your needy friends have been heard and consoled, the old dog is spoon-fed, and the whales are saved, then you will have time to go for a walk, take a weekend off together, or sit and talk.

#4: Become unattractive. If your partner finds you unattractive, he might not want to relate deeply. Gain some weight, stop using makeup, wear baggy clothes. If you are a man, gain some weight, shave irregularly, and belch regularly.

#5: Anything else you can think of! Do whatever it takes to avoid being seen and known. Drink a bit too much wine at dinner and fall asleep on the couch. Be addicted to TV sports. Work late. Make sure all conversations are intellectual, scientific, or political-- not personal. Remember you need to call a friend, check your e-mail, or finish your novel when your beloved has that "I want to talk" look. Read to the kids and fall asleep on their bed. Be angry, depressed, or stay in La La Land. Tell jokes, gossip, teach or preach-- anything but be real.

There is no need to practice. For many people, these great strategies for avoiding intimacy come naturally. They were learned long ago, and have been mastered through years of practice.

How do you avoid the dangers of intimacy?

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You are invited to share this article with friends, online, wherever. Please include this bio if you do. Thank you.

Allan Hardman is a relationship coach, author, teacher, and Toltec Master, trained by Miguel Ruiz in the tradition The Four Agreements. He teaches in Sonoma County, and guides spiritual and romantic journeys to sacred sites and tropical beaches in Mexico and beyond. He is the author of The Everything Toltec Wisdom Book. Information about his work with The New Relationship ~ Five Agreements to Make Love Come True, and other offerings are at: www.joydancer.com. To inquire about counseling by phone, call (707) 528-1271. E-mail comments: allan@joydancer.com.

The Lie of Love

Could it be possible that we were lied to about love? I think so. I think we have been taught a big lie about Love. To understand the origin of the lie, we need to go back to a time, not too long ago, in a place, not so very far away. That is the time you were a small child.

In that time not too long ago, you were domesticated. You were taught what was good and what was bad, what was right, and what was wrong. Your parents and caregivers were invested in a reality they had been taught, with all of its beliefs and agreements. They believed their reality was the truth, and it was very important to teach it to you. Of course, it was a totally arbitrary reality based on what they had been taught, and had nothing to do with any actual "Reality." This is what Toltec wisdom calls, “dreaming.”

So your caregivers taught you their version of good and bad. In order to do that, they needed you to be afraid of the consequences of not believing them. It was called "behaving," but it was more about you believing the reality of their dream, and agreeing to deny yours. They told you they were the source of approval, acceptance, safety, and love in your life. We all learned from our caregivers that in order to receive our share of this very vital commodity we had to behave according to their demands.

What we learned in childhood is ubiquitous throughout our entire culture, and taught to each crop of new humans: "Love is a commodity that lives outside of you, and you must be good, get it right, behave, and perform properly, in order to receive your share."

That is the lie of love.

When your domestication began, the first thing "they" had to do was create fear in you, so you would be, do, feel and behave as they required. The fear they taught you was the fear of punishment, the fear of rejection, the fear of not getting the commodity of love and acceptance. They convinced you to forget yourself as love. You had no choice but to agree.

They taught you the lie of love.

I am writing to remind you of the truth: You are Love, you are Life itself. You are an individual unique manifestation of the Divine Oneness. You are creation's gift of love to this universe. You are LOVE! You are LIFE! There is nothing you need to do to earn that, and no way you have to behave to deserve it. You ARE it!

In our romantic relationships, we domesticate each other. We tell each other, through words and thousands of subtle signals, how we expect each other to behave in order to earn and hold onto our love. We use the reward of acceptance and attention, and the punishment of judgment and rejection to enforce our relationship domestication. And what is even more bizarre, we do it to ourselves in our own inner worlds!

I invite you to deny the lie of love. There is nothing you must do to earn love, and no dance you need to do to keep it. Love is not a commodity; it is the truth of who and what you are.

You are an unlimited source of Love. Please share it freely with yourself and others!

Thank you.

A Poem Inspired by The Joydancer Summer Celebration of Life

"In the Beginning. . ."

In the beginning there was darkness

And the darkness was named “Love.”

The darkness was alone,

And longed to share Love with Other.

The darkness was potential and power,

And made a lover, a manifestation of Love.

Creation was born, made from the body of Love

As a companion and reflection of Love.

Creation was born of Love,

Animated by Love,

A mirror for Love,

And we know it as Life.

Love becomes Life,

And celebrates itself as Creation.

Life celebrates Love,

And Love celebrates Life.

We are that Love, we are that Life.

Let us know ourselves as Love,

Let us know ourselves as Life,

Let us celebrate Love and Life

Let us celebrate both, together,

In the dance of Love,

The dance of Life,

Celebrating in Joy.

We are Joydancers!

"Finding the Sweetness"

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

You know, it is easy to focus on the bad stuff.

I hear the news in the US is all about doom and gloom, financial crises, and worse-- sprinkled with hope that a new President can turn it all around and make the old New. Here in the village of Chacala, Nayarít, Mexico, we don't have much of that. Yes, some of the local merchants mention that business is slow, but they also live in paradise, and, hey, tortillas are subsidized by the government! What's to worry!?

Underneath all the fear, all the worry about the future, if we look, I think we can always find the sweetness, the truth, the love. Someone dear to me wrote this to me a couple of days ago:

MySelf and Other are not separate, and the truest love that I have known is the deep abiding respect and acceptance that grows out of that recognition. When I rest in this place, there is no power struggle, there are no differences, and no one to bump up against. There is sweetness, kindness, and faith in Life. There is Love. Simple, sweet love.

There is always sweetness, kindness, and love, simple, sweet love. If we can remember to look, I think we can always find the sweetness.

I was surprised and honored to do some healing work today, in a village an hour from here. I sat with a young woman I knew as a child many years ago, who was nearly paralyzed-- I was told from a great grief. Her hand was cold. She could hardly speak or move. What could I do, but find the sweetness? I helped her bring warmth and strength to her hand.

I kept repeating, "No tienes la culpa." It is not your fault. I asked her if she really really wanted to walk back into her life. She said Yes. I invited her to be a tiger. To growl! To bring the warmth and new strength in her hand into her whole body. And really, all I was doing was finding the sweetness, my faith in Life. Simple, sweet love.

She cried, and she smiled. I could see her pain was huge, and I could also see she was not the pain. She was the sweetness. The light. So beautiful. Such love. And such a broken heart. And still the sweetness lives.

I don't know what will happen. I will go back and visit. I will see the sweetness, and invite her to see it too. Maybe she will, and maybe she won't. But I will. I will know the sweet simple love that she is and that we share.

I am writing this on New Year's Eve to remind you, and me, to Find the Sweetness. New Year's Eve is an arbitrary event, in a way, but special. It is often a time we set intentions, make resolutions, and plan who we will be in the future.

My invitation for this evening, this day, this beginning of a New Year, is to set an intention, make a habit, to demand of your mind, to Find the Sweetness. Find the love, the kindness, and the Faith in Life. Go deep into the truth of who you are-- you are Love. No less. The same love that created you is what you are! Find THAT sweetness within.

And then share it with your world. If there is healing to be done, this is the way we will heal.

Find the Sweetness.

And so it is.


Happy New Year

Joyful Sweetness.



And Love.

A New Year's REVOLUTION

"Making a New Year's REVOLUTION"

We need another REVOLUTION! People in the United States, here in Mexico, and most other countries in the world have revolted against tyrannical and abusive leaders throughout history. Sometimes the revolutions are successful and new freedoms have emerged and stayed, and other times the Big Parasite has triumphed and freedoms have been lost, only to fought for later. 

I think we have already learned that the resolutions we make for the New Year don't last long or work out very well. Out intentions are good, but something usually goes wrong. Perhaps you resolve to give up a habit that goes against you, slim down or buff up, be more loving, meditate more, give up sugar, be nicer to your partner, find a partner to be nice to, pay off your credit cards, make more money, find a better job, start your own business, keep your house/ car/ clothes/ kids/ dog cleaner, and hundreds of other good intentions. 

If you have made New Year's resolutions in the past and "failed" to keep them, and then been mad at yourself or judged yourself for your failure, please, Please, PLEASE don't do that again this year. Instead, join me in a New Year's REVOLUTION. 

Revolt and rebel against the voice of that Judge in your mind that says you "should" make all those changes, and then makes you wrong for being who you are and not following through! Don't tolerate anyone inside or out criticizing you. You are not bad, not wrong, not a failure at anything! Revolt! 

Rebel! Fight Back!! Make 2009 the year of your revolt, your revolution against the tyrannical and abusive voices in your head that question you, doubt you, or judge you. Make this the New Year of Freedom in your life! 

YOU ARE PERFECT. I REPEAT, YOU ARE PERFECT, JUST THE WAY YOU ARE, AND JUST THE WAY YOU ARE NOT!

I hope you will think about this if you have not; or, if you need to again:

This universe is animated by an amazing and unknowable force. It seems to be in everything, from trees to turtles, from grains of sand to galaxies in space, and from algae in the swamp to humans in the shoe store. It is everywhere. It is even that force that holds the air between the swamp and shoe store in place, moving, balanced in its elements, and available for all life. 

We can call this animating force LIFE. And I think you will agree that there seems to be only one of them. Trees are animated by the same Life force as turtles (and shoe stores). If there is only one Life animating everything in the universe, then YOU are created, animated, and directed by that Life. If we look at the sum total of everything Life creates and animates, we can see that it is all the same, one unified whole, one living being of Life, manifested in countless forms in a physical world. 

(Still with me?)

My point: If there is only one thing here, in all of its different manifested forms, then it is all PERFECT-- there is nothing to compare it to, nothing outside of it. If the one whole is perfect, then every part of it has to be perfect. And YOU are part of it! Therefore, you are perfect! YOU are Life! 

So, back to the REVOLUTION. Any voice-- inside or out, any person, event, memory, fear, or judgement that doubts your perfection is lying. LYING! Do I  make myself clear?? LYING. There is nothing to fear, nothing to doubt. Just to be YOU! As Life. The perfect manifestation of a perfect force.

Then, if you want to work out or be more loving, of course, go ahead! But not because you "should" or have to, to prove you are okay, or are worthy of love. LIFE IS WORTHY OF LOVE ~ LIFE IS LOVE. You are Life.

REVOLT! Make this January calendar change your New Year's REVOLUTION. Stand up for your freedom, for your perfection, your Divine right to be exactly who Life is, as you! Let us declare our freedom from the tyranny and fear inside first, then the outside. Let's not waste any more time! NOW is the time for the Revolution! The goal is a world of peace inside and out, or as don Miguel Ruiz says, ". . .to the eternal happiness of humanity."

If you think it is time for this personal and planetary revolution, and would like to share these ideas with others, please do so, and copy and paste with this information:

This invitation for Revolution is from Allan Hardman, Toltec Master, at http://www.joydancer.com