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I have written about the true meaning of love the last few weeks. The main focus of my sharing has been to remind us all that we came into this world AS love, AS life, AS the divinity that creates and animates this universe.
Love is our default state. Love and acceptance of what is. We came in that way, then people told us stories and lies and we forgot. They believed they were the source of love for us. They said we had to bargain for love, we had to be good and get it right, to earn this commodity of love, attention, safety, and more.
It wasn't true then and it isn't true now! If you are trying to earn love from someone, or making someone bargain for your love, perhaps today is the day to take a deep breath and stop. Perhaps today is the day to remember who and what you are: Pure Divine Love. And so is everyone else!
Perhaps today, Valentine's Day, the day of love and romance, is a good day to let go of the old dream of fear-based conditional love and dance a new dance-- the dance of acceptance... the dance of Life... dancing in love with itself... in all your relationships.
Let's dance together in joy with Life. We are, after all, Joydancers! (.com)
~ Allan
Make sure to sign up for my newsletter, if you haven't already: http://joydancer.com/Newsletter/
Want to read more about love, real love, love for "The New Relationship?" Go here:
The New Relationship ~ Five Agreements to Make Love Come True
You can order CD's of my Five Agreements here
Who I am. . .
- Allan Hardman
- Santa Rosa/Chacala, California/Nayarit/Mexico, United States
- I live and teach the Toltec Path of Personal Transformation through the articles, audios, and online apprentice program on my website at www.joydancer.com, phone consultations, workshops, Journeys of the Spirit to Teotihuacán in Mexico, and teleclasses. I am the author of The Everything Toltec Wisdom Book, and co-author of two books with Deepak Chopra, Dr. Andrew Weil, Dean Ornish, Bernie Siegel, Prince Charles, and others. I own a home in the sweet little beach village of Chacala, Nayarit, Mexico, and spend the winters there. I invite students to do intensive study with me there, and host a Valentine's Week workshop on Love, Romance, and Relationship each year.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Monday, February 7, 2011
A Question (and Answer) about Conscious Relationship
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A reader of my "The New Relationship ~ Five Agreements to Make Love Come True," recently asked me, "If I'm in a place where I love and accept everyone equally, why would I choose one particular person to be in relationship with?"
A great question. It is our spiritual self that sees the absolute divine perfection in all of creation, including ourselves and our beloveds, and accepts it all exactly as it is. That recognition of the Divinity of all Creation is what offers us the ultimate happiness.
Our human self, however, as a unique expression of that divinity, will have preferences and likes and dislikes. Accepting ourselves means accepting those human truths about us.
So, two human selves may be especially attracted and feel juicy about each other, while still accepting and loving all of creation. From this place of awareness, their relationship will be based on the juicy connection AND their awareness and conscious agreements about the compatibility of their lifestyles and dreams. They will discuss their dreams of money, finances, spirituality, or religion, sex, diet, travel, leisure, geography, work, recreation, entertainment, and all the ways people live their daily lives. There could be lots of juice and no compatibility and that really won't work for very long.
I believe in order to have a "successful" romantic partnership we must be aware and awake and willing to risk the outcome, so we can make conscious agreements about the relationship. In the old dream fear ruled. In this new dream, love and acceptance rule.
Take your pick.
You can read a summary of The New Relationship ~ Five Agreements to Make Love Come True right here.
You can order CD's of the agreements here.
Sign up for my newsletter, The Joydancer Weekly Word here.
A reader of my "The New Relationship ~ Five Agreements to Make Love Come True," recently asked me, "If I'm in a place where I love and accept everyone equally, why would I choose one particular person to be in relationship with?"
A great question. It is our spiritual self that sees the absolute divine perfection in all of creation, including ourselves and our beloveds, and accepts it all exactly as it is. That recognition of the Divinity of all Creation is what offers us the ultimate happiness.
Our human self, however, as a unique expression of that divinity, will have preferences and likes and dislikes. Accepting ourselves means accepting those human truths about us.
So, two human selves may be especially attracted and feel juicy about each other, while still accepting and loving all of creation. From this place of awareness, their relationship will be based on the juicy connection AND their awareness and conscious agreements about the compatibility of their lifestyles and dreams. They will discuss their dreams of money, finances, spirituality, or religion, sex, diet, travel, leisure, geography, work, recreation, entertainment, and all the ways people live their daily lives. There could be lots of juice and no compatibility and that really won't work for very long.
I believe in order to have a "successful" romantic partnership we must be aware and awake and willing to risk the outcome, so we can make conscious agreements about the relationship. In the old dream fear ruled. In this new dream, love and acceptance rule.
Take your pick.
You can read a summary of The New Relationship ~ Five Agreements to Make Love Come True right here.
You can order CD's of the agreements here.
Sign up for my newsletter, The Joydancer Weekly Word here.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Love is our Nature, not a Commodity
Love is a grand and wonderful thing. It has been exalted, suffered, and written and sung about since the beginning of time.
The meaning of Love and the expression of romantic relationship has evolved and grown with changing needs, religions, and economic conditions. It is a great challenge for individuals and cultures to change traditions and morals to keep pace with the evolution of the human dream. I can think of no area of our western society more in need of change than this, and at the same time more resistant to that change. There is probably no emotion more misunderstood, distorted, and confused than "Love."
From the experiences of childhood most of us agreed that others were the source of love, and that you had to bargain for that love. Love became a commodity that lived outside of us, we needed it to survive, and we had to be good and get it right in order to assure our share of the precious commodity.
I believe we came into this world through Love, as Love, being Love. We were the manifestation of Life itself. You came here knowing no fear, judgment, no conditions, an had no expectations. You simply WERE. In order to gain the acceptance of parents, teachers, playmates, and religious leaders, we learned to deny our truth and accept theirs. The first truth we had to deny was the truth that we were and ARE Love.
As we moved into adult "love" relationships, if we carry with us the agreement that love is a commodity outside of us that we have to bargain for, we will always live in fear of failing and losing the love we have captured. This is not fun (you may have noticed).
What about you?
Allan
I adapted the above thoughts from my Five Agreements to Make Love Come True -- there is a lot more there to read. Changing these agreements will be a major focus of our week together in Chacala during my Valentine's Week Relationship Retreat. Please join me, and change your life!
If you like what you read here, make sure to subscribe to my newsletter.
The meaning of Love and the expression of romantic relationship has evolved and grown with changing needs, religions, and economic conditions. It is a great challenge for individuals and cultures to change traditions and morals to keep pace with the evolution of the human dream. I can think of no area of our western society more in need of change than this, and at the same time more resistant to that change. There is probably no emotion more misunderstood, distorted, and confused than "Love."
From the experiences of childhood most of us agreed that others were the source of love, and that you had to bargain for that love. Love became a commodity that lived outside of us, we needed it to survive, and we had to be good and get it right in order to assure our share of the precious commodity.
I believe we came into this world through Love, as Love, being Love. We were the manifestation of Life itself. You came here knowing no fear, judgment, no conditions, an had no expectations. You simply WERE. In order to gain the acceptance of parents, teachers, playmates, and religious leaders, we learned to deny our truth and accept theirs. The first truth we had to deny was the truth that we were and ARE Love.
As we moved into adult "love" relationships, if we carry with us the agreement that love is a commodity outside of us that we have to bargain for, we will always live in fear of failing and losing the love we have captured. This is not fun (you may have noticed).
It is my hope, inspiration, and intent,
to always know my nature as love and life itself,
and share that love in all my relationships.
I do not bargain for love,
and I do not require others to bargain for my love.
Allan
I adapted the above thoughts from my Five Agreements to Make Love Come True -- there is a lot more there to read. Changing these agreements will be a major focus of our week together in Chacala during my Valentine's Week Relationship Retreat. Please join me, and change your life!
If you like what you read here, make sure to subscribe to my newsletter.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Domestication: Downloading the Dream
Who Were You When You Were Born?
You were born into this world as a "bundle of joy." Your mind was free of stories, and you were happy - without even knowing what happiness was. You had no opinions, no fears, no expectations, and no judgments. There was no distorting light in your channels of perception. You had no words yet for colors, sounds, objects, or Mom's bad hair day. You had no concept of good and bad or right and wrong.
You simply existed, in a sea of stimulations and events that you experienced directly, just as they were. Your mind had no experience with naming, categorizing, or separating any of this incoming light. You were simply present, in each moment, without self-awareness. You did not even know you had been given a name or gender identity.
You were actually like a little Toltec master or guru, present in each and every moment, living in the bliss of love and acceptance. If you could have talked and described your experience, spiritual seekers would have come from miles around to sit at your feet and learn from you.
In those first few months of your life, you lived in the bliss of the oneness that gurus teach and to which spiritual seekers aspire. Because you had not yet learned the fears and judgments of the adult world, your nature was openness and love. Your innocence was like that of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.
~ An excerpt from The Everything Toltec Wisdom Book, by Allan Hardman
Interested in what happened to all of us along the way, and how you can reclaim your innocence and joy? Learn about Domestication and Dreaming - read Allan's article, "The Perfect Dream."
You were born into this world as a "bundle of joy." Your mind was free of stories, and you were happy - without even knowing what happiness was. You had no opinions, no fears, no expectations, and no judgments. There was no distorting light in your channels of perception. You had no words yet for colors, sounds, objects, or Mom's bad hair day. You had no concept of good and bad or right and wrong.
You simply existed, in a sea of stimulations and events that you experienced directly, just as they were. Your mind had no experience with naming, categorizing, or separating any of this incoming light. You were simply present, in each moment, without self-awareness. You did not even know you had been given a name or gender identity.
You were actually like a little Toltec master or guru, present in each and every moment, living in the bliss of love and acceptance. If you could have talked and described your experience, spiritual seekers would have come from miles around to sit at your feet and learn from you.
In those first few months of your life, you lived in the bliss of the oneness that gurus teach and to which spiritual seekers aspire. Because you had not yet learned the fears and judgments of the adult world, your nature was openness and love. Your innocence was like that of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.
~ An excerpt from The Everything Toltec Wisdom Book, by Allan Hardman
Interested in what happened to all of us along the way, and how you can reclaim your innocence and joy? Learn about Domestication and Dreaming - read Allan's article, "The Perfect Dream."
Sunday, January 2, 2011
A New Year's Blessing Prayer
I am loving my winter in Chacala, Nayarit, Mexico. If you are in a cold place somewhere, I am going to send you some soft warm tropical air....hold on....close your eyes....hold out your heart....aah...there it is.
Take a moment and let it in...let it warm your heart and soul....and prepare you for the new year ahead. I encourage us all to open our hearts to ourselves (especially) and to each other as we make this transition into 2011. I've heard some folks here say: "New Year's Eve is no big deal, and I'll just go to bed early."
Well, fine, however, we can use any excuse to set new intentions and clean up our minds so we can live happier, more creative, and loving lives each day and each year.
I have a simple secret for setting intentions and changing beliefs: Take out the "can't, shouldn't, don't, never" and other black magic words that limit your creation. Example: "I can't find a job." Change your Word to "I find a job." Or, "I'll never find the perfect relationship." Try this, instead: "I'll find the perfect relationship." Or, a bit more creative: "I am the perfect relationship." Or, riffing, "I am in the perfect relationship with myself, one based on unconditional love and acceptance of my divine perfection." THAT oughta' do it.
Happy New LIFE!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm really looking forward to my annual Valentine's Week Workshop on Love, Romance, and Relationship, February 10~14, 2011 (for couples and singles) here at my "House of the Eagles" in Chacala. Chacala is a wonderful and romantic setting for this five-day exploration into conscious relationship, and I hope you'll make plans to be here. You deserve an uplifting and life transforming vacation, don't you think? Click here for more details.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"A New Year's Blessing Prayer ~ I Fling My Heart Open to Thee"
Divine Presence, I fling my heart open to thee.
Show me the way to your perfect Grace.
I dance with thee in this New Year.
My heart is open wide, and your love pours through me,
And I see your love in all that is.
I see your love in my Beloveds,
In the rain and sun and wind and heat and cold.
I see your love in all success and adversity,
I see your love in every aspect of your Creation.
I say YES to all that is, knowing it is all You.
In this New Year, may I let nothing obscure my vision of you,
And your Grace.
My eyes are open wide, and my heart is ripped open
In my desire to be possessed by you.
Take Me, Take Me, Take Me.
I have nothing to surrender, because all that I AM is You.
Divine Presence, I fling my heart open to thee.
Show me the way to your perfect Grace.
I dance with you in this New Year.
And so it is.
~Allan
Take a moment and let it in...let it warm your heart and soul....and prepare you for the new year ahead. I encourage us all to open our hearts to ourselves (especially) and to each other as we make this transition into 2011. I've heard some folks here say: "New Year's Eve is no big deal, and I'll just go to bed early."
Well, fine, however, we can use any excuse to set new intentions and clean up our minds so we can live happier, more creative, and loving lives each day and each year.
I have a simple secret for setting intentions and changing beliefs: Take out the "can't, shouldn't, don't, never" and other black magic words that limit your creation. Example: "I can't find a job." Change your Word to "I find a job." Or, "I'll never find the perfect relationship." Try this, instead: "I'll find the perfect relationship." Or, a bit more creative: "I am the perfect relationship." Or, riffing, "I am in the perfect relationship with myself, one based on unconditional love and acceptance of my divine perfection." THAT oughta' do it.
Happy New LIFE!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm really looking forward to my annual Valentine's Week Workshop on Love, Romance, and Relationship, February 10~14, 2011 (for couples and singles) here at my "House of the Eagles" in Chacala. Chacala is a wonderful and romantic setting for this five-day exploration into conscious relationship, and I hope you'll make plans to be here. You deserve an uplifting and life transforming vacation, don't you think? Click here for more details.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"A New Year's Blessing Prayer ~ I Fling My Heart Open to Thee"
Divine Presence, I fling my heart open to thee.
Show me the way to your perfect Grace.
I dance with thee in this New Year.
My heart is open wide, and your love pours through me,
And I see your love in all that is.
I see your love in my Beloveds,
In the rain and sun and wind and heat and cold.
I see your love in all success and adversity,
I see your love in every aspect of your Creation.
I say YES to all that is, knowing it is all You.
In this New Year, may I let nothing obscure my vision of you,
And your Grace.
My eyes are open wide, and my heart is ripped open
In my desire to be possessed by you.
Take Me, Take Me, Take Me.
I have nothing to surrender, because all that I AM is You.
Divine Presence, I fling my heart open to thee.
Show me the way to your perfect Grace.
I dance with you in this New Year.
And so it is.
~Allan
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Gratitude is a Way of Life
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This was written the day before Thanksgiving in anticipation of the Thanksgiving holiday.
Wow! I arrived in Chacala yesterday, and what a treat! I am so grateful for this special place, and for the part of me that took the action to create a home here. Who woulda' thought?
It has been bright, sunny, and warm all day. But, wait, before I go on and on about Chacala, here is what I've been thinking about this Thanksgiving time in the USA:
I am receiving some wonderful mails and newsletters this Thanksgiving time and day tomorrow. Thank you all for writing. I want to take the idea of giving thanks out a little farther... to the power of gratitude.
When we find our way to gratitude as a way of life, we are in LOVE, simply and easily. You cannot truly be grateful and in fear at the same time. When you're not afraid, you can live in your default state of love and gratitude. Happiness.
The gratitude I am thinking of comes when we accept all that the universe is. We see the perfection of creation, and our hearts open to receive What IS. An apprentice once looked up "acceptance" in the dictionary (because I talk about it a lot), and found this definition: "Readiness to receive." When you are ready to receive part or all of this amazing universe just the way it is, you are in acceptance.
When you are ready to receive the magnificence of Life, how could you not be in Gratitude...? And when you find that place inside often enough, you have made it a way of Life. Gratitude is a way of Life. And it is the way of a Life of love, acceptance, and receptivity.
It is the Spiritual Warrior's way in the world.
So, for those celebrating, Happy Thanksgiving. For those not in the US or those rejecting the holiday, I invite you to embrace your gratitude for Life. It is quite a gift, you know.
Go out and hug a Pilgrim or a turkey! And be grateful you can.
And now about Chacala once again!
I arrived at my winter home, The House of the Eagles in Chacala, Nayarit, Mexico, yesterday. The temperature today has been in the mild 80's, the skies blue, and the jungle around town filled with green and the many colors of flowers and butterflies.
I urge you to consider joining me here-- for our annual Valentine's Week workshop (February 10~14), a personal intensive with me (mid-January and mid-March now available), or simply to relax on the beach and watch a beautiful sunset (come as you are).
We will also be celebrating New Year's in Chacala: "A Conscious Beginning ~ Embracing Abundance." Please join us.
Please contact me directly for more information: allanh@sonic.net
Pictures speak a thousand words... here are 10,000 words about my beloved Chacala... I look forward to seeing you here.
Chacala is located 90 minutes north of Puerto Vallarta, in the state of Nayarit, on the tropical west coast of Mexico. Puerto Vallarta is an easy flight from everywhere. I can help you with transportation from PV and lodging in Chacala.
We are a village of about 400 wonderful and warm Mexican locals, and a small number of smart and/or lucky "internationals." The beach is clean and safe, the fish and shrimp at the beach restaurants are fresh from the sea. Sunsets can be spectacular. Comfortable lodging $40-65 USD per night.
Please pay no attention to the media sensationalism about violence in Mexico. Yes, there is trouble, mostly in border cities. I drove 2,065 miles down from Nogales, AZ, and most of Mexico remains a lovely, friendly, peaceful country. Puerto Vallarta is rated as one of the safest cities in the world -- and Chacala, well, watch out for those margaritas at Las Brisas on the beach!
There is NO reason for you not to come down. Join me for New Year's or Valentine's celebrations, a personal intensive of five days or more, or come on vacation and let me show you my paradise... and the best place on the beach for a margarita and sunset.
Did I mention it is warm in the middle of the winter!!??
Get in touch, and we'll go from there. My website is in a bit of disarray, so contact me directly as needed: allanh@sonic.net.
Yours in love and The New Dream of Peace in the Hearts of All Humans,
Allan
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
You Are Good Enough For Love
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The misperception that causes the most trouble in all relationships is the idea that we have to prove we are good enough to be worthy of love and acceptance. It is the basic lie of our childhood domestication, and the foundation of all the other life-limiting beliefs we've made in our lives. The lie says we won't be able to relax and really enjoy our lives until we have improved, enhanced, developed, achieved, and reached the ultimate in our physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual skills and capabilities.
When you stop to think about it, it doesn't really make any sense. Does IT!? We have to be better to be worthy of love? Everyone has to be better than they are? Weird. Everyone has to reach higher standards of achievement than... who? Themselves? Each other?
We learned we weren't good enough when our caregivers set conditions for their love. They made it clear they were angry, disappointed, hurt, sad, or uninterested because of our attitudes, behaviors, or lack thereof. What we did wasn't good enough for them to be constantly delighted in us.
So we learned to hide our emotions, needs, and truth, in order to avoid their rejection and earn their approval, acceptance, safety, love, or interest. For many of us, the agreements from childhood became the agreements of our adult lives. Most adults believe they must prove their worth. And romantic relationships with that lie as a foundation are doomed to failure. When two people are trying to get each other's approval by pretending to be someone they are not in order to hold on to the "love" from the other... there is only fear, not real love.
Here it is:
"You can never be good enough by proving you are!"
I said that. And I'll say it again and again!! The only thing you have to do is KNOW you are okay right here, right now, in this moment -- you are a perfect, glorious inspiration of Life, from Life, and as Life. There is nothing to prove, defend, get right, justify, hide, or improve! You are actually the source of love in your life.
If you don't know that simple truth, your relationships will always be difficult, because you will always be trying to prove your worth, and denying the truth of the real you.
I counsel singles and couples to guide them to relationships based on the truth of the perfection of themselves, their partners, and the universe. It is the only way I know to be at peace and IN love, with self and others.
"Allan, we are increasingly appreciative of the time we spent with you, and for what an amazing teacher you are." L.M., Canada
I would be honored if you offered me the opportunity to support you in the same way I did with Kevin and Karen (a married couple I counseled in an article featured in "FIRST for Women" national magazine) and countless others in the last 20 years. We can work by Skype, phone, or here in Chacala during my Valentine's Relationship Retreat or with a personal intensive. I am here to serve you.
Please read about my counseling options here
Read the article about my work with Kevin and Karen here
Read my article about The New Relationship ~ Five Agreements to Make Love Come True
And purchase the 5 CD set of my Five Agreements here
Please contact me, and we'll go from there. My website is in a bit of disarray, so contact me directly as needed: allanh@sonic.net
Yours IN love and The New Dream of Peace in the Hearts of All Humans,
Allan
The misperception that causes the most trouble in all relationships is the idea that we have to prove we are good enough to be worthy of love and acceptance. It is the basic lie of our childhood domestication, and the foundation of all the other life-limiting beliefs we've made in our lives. The lie says we won't be able to relax and really enjoy our lives until we have improved, enhanced, developed, achieved, and reached the ultimate in our physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual skills and capabilities.
When you stop to think about it, it doesn't really make any sense. Does IT!? We have to be better to be worthy of love? Everyone has to be better than they are? Weird. Everyone has to reach higher standards of achievement than... who? Themselves? Each other?
We learned we weren't good enough when our caregivers set conditions for their love. They made it clear they were angry, disappointed, hurt, sad, or uninterested because of our attitudes, behaviors, or lack thereof. What we did wasn't good enough for them to be constantly delighted in us.
So we learned to hide our emotions, needs, and truth, in order to avoid their rejection and earn their approval, acceptance, safety, love, or interest. For many of us, the agreements from childhood became the agreements of our adult lives. Most adults believe they must prove their worth. And romantic relationships with that lie as a foundation are doomed to failure. When two people are trying to get each other's approval by pretending to be someone they are not in order to hold on to the "love" from the other... there is only fear, not real love.
Here it is:
"You can never be good enough by proving you are!"
I said that. And I'll say it again and again!! The only thing you have to do is KNOW you are okay right here, right now, in this moment -- you are a perfect, glorious inspiration of Life, from Life, and as Life. There is nothing to prove, defend, get right, justify, hide, or improve! You are actually the source of love in your life.
If you don't know that simple truth, your relationships will always be difficult, because you will always be trying to prove your worth, and denying the truth of the real you.
I counsel singles and couples to guide them to relationships based on the truth of the perfection of themselves, their partners, and the universe. It is the only way I know to be at peace and IN love, with self and others.
"Allan, we are increasingly appreciative of the time we spent with you, and for what an amazing teacher you are." L.M., Canada
I would be honored if you offered me the opportunity to support you in the same way I did with Kevin and Karen (a married couple I counseled in an article featured in "FIRST for Women" national magazine) and countless others in the last 20 years. We can work by Skype, phone, or here in Chacala during my Valentine's Relationship Retreat or with a personal intensive. I am here to serve you.
Please read about my counseling options here
Read the article about my work with Kevin and Karen here
Read my article about The New Relationship ~ Five Agreements to Make Love Come True
And purchase the 5 CD set of my Five Agreements here
Please contact me, and we'll go from there. My website is in a bit of disarray, so contact me directly as needed: allanh@sonic.net
Yours IN love and The New Dream of Peace in the Hearts of All Humans,
Allan
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