Some Personal Thoughts, and the Solstice

Some Personal Thoughts, and the Solstice

This is a special day of the year for those of us in the north. I am writing and sending this almost exactly at the same time of the winter solstice, 2011. I am at my winter home at the beach in Chacala, Nayarit, Mexico. It is very special here, and I still want you to join me here! 

At this darkest longest night of the year, even here in paradise the night is cool... it must be winter! Walking back from eating tacos (the real deal) at the beach tonight, the dark sky was filled with starts. It is so very beautiful here. I feel very blessed. The village is filled with the sounds of people, kids, dogs, and roosters living their lives -- and visitors here to celebrate the holidays.

Thank you to all of you who wrote and offered your condolences for the death of my mother I shared about here at Thanksgiving time. Every time I think of her gentle passing at 95, I am grateful for this moment of life I am offered. If I am offered another moment or day tomorrow, my intention is to be grateful for each experience that comes.

I surprised myself last week when someone I was with in Puerto Vallarta reflected my patience when something she had to do took much longer than expected. My response was, "Every moment is the same." I had never heard myself say that before, and I've been noticing it since then. It seems to be true. Every moment is the same. We add our different emotional reactions and stories to those moments and think some are better than others, and others more irritating. Do we change the moments into something they are not? Or are we changing ourselves into something we are not?

Something about my mother's passing shifted me into this gratitude for each moment, and seeing so clearly that I have a choice about the stories I tell about each of those moments. I'm telling good stories. If my happiness is my choice, then I'm choosing gratitude, love, and acceptance in this moment. This is actually the only moment I have. I'm not going to make up stories that deny the truth of who and what I am, or cause me to suffer.

Tonight is the winter solstice. The light is returning to the north. I would like to invite you to use that light to shine brightly into the dark places within yourself, those places where you've pushed the divine truth of who you are with stories about your moments that cause emotional reactions of fear, hurt, jealously, envy, anger, blame, or judgement. Let's bring the light of truth back into our awareness, our actions, and our relationships -- and free ourselves from those lies.

The Truth? I would suggest a new story that says we are perfect expressions of the divine force of Life that created us. No more, no less. We are whole and complete. We are created by the light, as Life, exactly like every other living being and object in this universe. This universe is one perfect whole and we are perfect parts of it. No more lies!

Perhaps we can use this night and the days to come to reaffirm for ourselves the truth of our divine wholeness. Let's find within ourselves the faith and forgiveness that allows us to surrender to life itself, with gratitude for each precious moment of Life we are granted. Let's know ourselves as the light as it returns to give us Life.

This day I live in gratitude, and in gratitude there is only love.

             Allan

allanh@sonic.net -- Or (707) 206-7623 (rings through to Chacala from northern California toll free.)

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I'm so grateful to be able to share with you here. My life and work and Joydancer and TACO (my online Toltec spiritual and networking community) are all dedicated to helping us learn and remember the truth of our oneness as the Divine essence that creates and animates this universe... and each part of it in each moment. Including you and me!

I am available by phone, Skype, and e-mail if you would like support for your life journey. I look forward to hearing from you.

Phone: (707) 528-1271
Skype: (707) 206-7623
Email: allanh@sonic.net

Details about consultations and apprenticeship are here.

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Some Thoughts About Gratitude and Thanks Giving

"Some Thoughts About Gratitude and Thanks Giving"

Happy Thanksgiving, a time of gratitude. It is always magical and mysterious for me how life can combine different experiences, emotions, and outcomes to offer us the opportunity to grow and become stronger in our love and acceptance of What IS.

A case in point: I am in Southern California at the home my parents built and I grew up in. My mother died of old age (95) comfortably here in her bed on Sunday. My brother is here. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, a big family day for many. This family is reduced to two.

The potential for emotional reactions and suffering is great in these situations. I accept them as sweet reminders of the value of living our lives fully as they unfold, and letting go of our silly ideas that we can predicts or control the outcomes. 

In that surrender, I find great peace. In that peace I find love. In that love I find the perfection of the Divine. In the Divine I find the Oneness of life. In that experience of Oneness I am back once again to great peace. 

This day I live in gratitude, for the life of my parents, and the life they gave me. I am grateful for Life. I hope that no matter what your situation or experience you will find a way to your gratitude, giving thanks for Life and all it offers you. Let's open our hearts and receive the multitude of gifts, without resistance or fear.

In gratitude there is only love.

Happy Thanks Giving, 

no matter where in the world this finds you!

         Allan

allanh@sonic.net -- Or  (707) 528-1271

___________________________________________________

I'm so grateful to be able to share with you here. My life and work and Joydancer and TACO (my online Toltec spiritual and networking community) are all dedicated to helping us learn and remember the truth of our oneness as the Divine essence that creates and animates this universe... and each part of it in each moment. Including you and me!

I am available by phone, Skype, and e-mail if you would like support for your life journey. I look forward to hearing from you.

Details about consultations and apprenticeship are here.

The Coolest Hat

"The Coolest Hat"

[EDITOR'S NOTE: This hat story is taken from an e-mail conversation between members of Allan Hardman's online community "TACO" who participated in his October journey to the pyramids at Teotihuacán, Mexico, and the extension to Tepoztlán. The group jokes that nobody is allowed to have a cooler hat than Allan.]

"Can someone tell us the complete story of the coolest hat?"

Allan: "Hello all....

I guess if no one else will tell the story, it must be up to me. We were hiking down from the pyramid of Tepozteco in Tepoztlán, and at one of the rest stops I left my hat behind. I didn't miss it until we stopped at a little stall near the bottom of the trail where they were making the quesadillas we had fallen in love with at the market place the day before. Four of us sat down and ordered and enjoyed our treats immensely (corn fungus, grasshoppers, farmer's cheese, and squash blossoms, cactus leaf, and more -- yummmm.) Perhaps someone has photos to share of the adventure. Ah yes, here they are!

Allan wearing "The Coolest Hat"

The bottom of the trail to the Pyramid of Tepozteco

Our Favorite Quesadillas

Corn Fungus, Grasshoppers, Farmer's Cheese, Squash Blossoms, Cactus Leaf & more!

I surrendered my hat to the Angel of Death (scroll down to watch a video about the Angel of Death if you are unfamiliar with the Angel in Toltec mythology) shortly after I realized it was missing, because I've heard that part of the lecture many times (from myself, of course), and have come to believe it. The Angel had taken back the hat she loaned me many years ago -- the Coolest Hat in Teotihuacán and Peru. It was okay.

However, while we were sitting eating, I was casually watching to see if anyone coming down the trail past us was wearing it, just in case the Angel was just testing or kidding me, or wanted to return it for some reason. I was more concerned with the eagle feather on the hat that a shaman in Peru had given me. There was a minor attachment there, partly, as I write this I realize, because I believed it was a sacred duty to use and protect that feather.

About the time we were finishing up our quesadillas I glanced over at a family that had been stopped by a vendor on the other side of the trail and were looking at her wares. As I looked again, I saw my eagle feather dangling below the arm of one of the women. 

I went over and bowed in gratitude to her, and told her it was "my" hat and thanked her for finding it (Creative Assumption). She said her son had actually found it -- so I offered it to him. He smiled and declined, and so once again the Coolest Hat was mine, along with the eagle feather and Peruvian hat band. 

We finished our meal and returned to the hotel.

And that's my story of The Coolest Hat and The Angel of Death."

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To learn more about the Toltec concept of The Angel of Death, watch this video of Allan teaching about the Angel of Death in Teotihuacán, Mexico:

http://youtu.be/8ZEUDnpfcDI

Survival Strategies Become Gifts

"Survival Strategies Become Gifts"

The Toltec master guides his apprentices to recognize how resourceful they were as children. They survived childhoods that were perhaps neglectful, hurtful, humiliating, or even violent. The strategies they adopted and the masks they learned to wear were the clever adaptations of children under stress. No one was standing by when the children left home to remind them they would not need those strategies in their adult world -- so they took their strategies with them.

The strategies are held in place by fear -- the fear of being discovered as inadequate, not enough, defective, and unworthy of love. The fear gradually diminishes as the spiritual warrior (within) consistently demonstrates the message of unconditional love and acceptance to the victim child (within). When you have less fear of being seen and more love for your perfection, the strategies will not be held so tightly, and your gifts can emerge.

Many childhood survival strategies have adult gifts hidden in them. For the pleaser to give freely, without expectation of appreciation or reciprocation, is a gift to all. The rebel is a valuable resource when a person needs to deny the social pressures of parents or peers. The clown can be wonderfully entertaining when the fun is offered as a gift of love, and not to avoid being seen.

The world needs mystics and teachers, dreamers and thinkers, perfectionists and procrastinators, lawyers, lovers, and romantics. When the lie of "not enough" is broken, and these gifts are offered from open, loving hearts, they nourish the souls of both givers and receivers.

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~ The Everything Toltec Wisdom Book, by Allan Hardman


To own a copy of this book, visit this page of the Joydancer Store:
http://store.joydancer.com/products/the-everything-toltec-wisdom-book

The Origin of the Inner Judge

"The Origin of the Inner Judge"

When we're little, there are two parts of us. There's a masculine part and a feminine part. We could say just in general that the feminine part is the feelings, the intuition, and the emotional body. The masculine is more the connected, sun/spirit, logic part of being. (That's not meant to be a description of women and men but just two ways of taking us apart and looking at parts of us.)

One of the aspects of the masculine is "protector." If we think about the old days, way, way back, people lived in caves and there was a door at the cave. The man, undoubtedly "the masculine," was the one at the door of the cave with a club, protecting, going into the world, getting food, and bringing it back to the feminine who was at the fire with the food and the kids. In that model, which probably still exists in our DNA, "holding a container" is an important part of that masculine aspect. In working with couples I've often found women, deep down inside saying, "I wish you could hold a safe space for me and not judge me." When he doesn't do that he's in the cave attacking her when he's supposed to be at the door of the cave protecting her. 

What happened to that little protector masculine when we were little?

The one we've been calling the Inner Child is really the feminine side of the child - the feelings, the emotions, the part that gets hurt. The masculine side of the child, when we're little, shouldn't have to protect. It's the parents' job to protect the child. Imagine being born into a family where the parents say, or the dad says as the masculine, "I'm so delighted and excited that you're here, and I'm here to provide a container - a safe container - to find out what magic God sent you to do in our lives. I'm going to hold a safe physical space, a safe psychological space, for you to become who you came here to be and we are just delighted to be the stewards of that, and we're excited to find out what that is." Imagine who you would be if that had been the welcome you'd gotten.

The feminine side - the feeling side - would grow up knowing that she was safe and that she could express her feelings without having them abused or made wrong. The masculine side would have no job. The protector part of the masculine in a boy or girl could simply coast along and mature in the container provided by the parents, and in the process learn what it means to be protected, and learn the job of the protector from that experience.

An apprentice told me about a girlfriend of his when he was a young man. She was from Sweden, and her parents were very liberal about what she did, but they liked her to do it at home. So the young lovers spent a lot of time at her home. Her parents would go to bed early. If Dad needed to get up and go into the kitchen, he'd make his presence known, and my apprentice knew that if he did anything that freaked his girlfriend out or upset her and she made the slightest noise about it, Dad would be right through that door and my apprentice would be in trouble. She knew she was safe, she knew she was protected, and that's how most of us didn't grow up.

In that model, the little protector masculine can grow up just learning what it's like so when, for example, a female human with that experience goes into the world or maybe she's sitting on the couch, and a new guy comes to the door and Dad opens the door - the container - and looks the guy over - tattoos, cigarette hanging out of his mouth - says, "Nope!" and slams the door shut. But say he gives the guy a chance and lets him in, and goes into the other room and closes the door. If the guy reaches over and puts his hand on her leg and it's not comfortable, she has full permission because of that container she grew up in, to go, "Aaaah, I don't like that. Get your hand off me." 

So by the time she's in a bar at 25 and some guy comes over and touches her inappropriately, there's no question about her response. The masculine is right there. The feminine says, "I didn't like that" to the masculine and the masculine says, "That's not right," to the guy.

When, however, the masculine side tries to protect us when we're four, and says, "Stop it, I hate you, you're mean! I'm not going to my room! It's not fair!" That's the masculine trying to protect the feminine side whose feelings are hurt by the outside judge. And what happens to a 4 year old child - could be a boy or a girl - when they say, "I hate you, you're mean, leave me alone, I'm not gonna do what you say?"

Dad says, "Dont' you talk to me like that! Don't you ever think of doing that again!" or maybe we got punished, or whatever the family dream called for to stop that kind of talk.

I've had people tell me, "Oh, when I was four and my dad was beating up my mom I jumped on his back and tried to pull him off and Dad threw me against the wall, and said, "Don't you ever interfere again, this is not your business."

What's the message for the protector? The message is, "I can't protect." "I can't protect her feelings." But he still wants to be a protector, so what he does is instead of looking at the outside world to protect, he turns around to the inner world, and tells the feminine to shut up. 

That is the origin of the inner judge. The wounded masculine side, unable to protect outwardly, turns inside to protect by saying, "shut up, don't cry, don't do that, don't ask for that, don't need that, don't take the last cookie, you know they don't like that, you better do what you're told, why are you blowing this? You should have thought of that, you shouldn't have broken that, you shouldn't have spilled that, I can't believe you don't pay attention." It's a preemptive strike inside to avoid being punished and judged from the outside. That's how the masculine protective part tries to protect us when we're little from Them.

That voice stays with us as we grow, and becomes the inner judge when the outer judges are gone. It then projects the judgments out onto everybody on the outside world saying, "They don't like you" or "They're not going to like you if you keep doing that so you'd better stop doing that." This was for me the biggest "ah-hah" part of the puzzle. The answer to, "How do we get rid of the judge?" is, we don't get rid of it. We heal it!

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This article was transcribed from a talk I gave to a group that was in hypnotherapy training at The Alchemy Institute in Santa Rosa, CA. They were learning about all the characters in our inner world, and the Inner Judge is one that we are all familiar with. If you'd like to heal YOUR judge, we have some great resources to do just that in my Online Toltec Community.

You can also get in touch with me. I offer counseling via phone, Skype, or in person. (707) 528-1271

allanh@sonic.net

IN Love,

Allan

My Chacala Nightmare

"My Chacala Nightmare"

I awoke trembling from a terrible dream this morning. I was dreaming I returned to my winter home in Chacala (Nayarit, Mexico) and it was totally modernized. 

It was awful!!

The streets were all paved, the restaurants had hardwood floors and redwood decks over the beach. There were SUV's everywhere, waiting to park to get their lattes, and T-shirts for sale with stuff written on them about getting drunk and going fishing. There was elevator music piped into every building and into the streets. Talk about an awful dream!!

The reason I was dreaming about Chacala is that when I return from Teotihuacán and our extension to Tepoztlán, I'll be organizing my business and home and preparing to drive to Chacala in early November -- a four day marathon from northern California.

I was very relieved to wake up and realize I was only dreaming about the redwood decks and elevator music, but also know "progress" is marching north from Puerto Vallarta toward Chacala, and the inevitable will happen -- we just don't know when. The coast of the state of Nayarit has been named, "The Riviera Nayarit" and is a new promoted tourist destination. This is one of the last unspoiled beach towns like this, easy to get to (via Puerto Vallarta) from most of the US and world, and yet like a forgotten paradise. It won't last forever.

So, please keep this a secret: Chacala is a lovely little fishing village of a few hundred Mexican families, and some very smart and low-key tourists and winter residents like myself. The beach is lined with thatched restaurants on the sand serving fresh seafood and frosty cold ones, and the sunsets are spectacular. There is no parasailing, no expensive pirate boat ride -- just the peace and quiet of a beautiful half mile of beach, the semi-tropical jungle, and some whales fooling around out there, and sweet people to meet and share with.

Like I said, please keep this a secret! When I return from Teotihuacán I'll be sharing more about Chacala, and inviting you to visit on vacation, experience the power of a personal intensive with me there at my "House of the Eagles," or join me for my Valentine's week retreat on Love, Romance, and Relationship.

In the meantime, I wish you a wonderful fall -- and remind you to start thinking about what you are going to do this winter to get away from the cold and relax... I know where I'll be all winter: Chacala, Nayarit, Mexico!! Join me!

PS: This coastal tourist part of Mexico is very safe, so don't believe everything you read or see on the news. In fact, Puerto Vallarta has been rated one of the five safest cities in the world. It is a big country, and what happens in one part doesn't happen everywhere!

Much love!!

Allan

allanh@sonic.net  -- Or (707) 528-1271

____________________________________________________

I'm so grateful to be able to share with you here. My life and work and Joydancer and TACO (my online Toltec spiritual networking community) are all dedicated to helping us learn and remember the truth of our oneness as the Divine essence that creates and animates this universe... and each part of it in each moment. Including you and me!

I am available by phone, Skype, and e-mail if you would like support for your life journey. I look forward to hearing from you. 

Details about consultations and apprenticeship are here.

The Angel of Death/ The Angel of Life

"The Angel of Death/

The Angel of Life"

Three times a week, I meet in a chat room with members of my Toltec Apprentice Community Online ("TACO") to teach, share, play, grow, and ponder. Recently a member asked a question that led to a discussion of "The Angel of Death," a powerful guide on the Toltec path to personal freedom.

Here is a brief excerpt edited from that chat (names changed, etc.):

TACOMember1: Allan I have a question. I am not sure, but I would like to live like my death is near. I would like to keep that view, or vision in me. What to do?

TACOAllan: It's a powerful idea. Surrender your attachments to being alive. Surrender your attachments to all of your material possessions--they belong to the Angel of Death, not you. She will take them when she wants them back, including your body and life.

TACOAllan: When you surrender your attachments you release your fear. When you release your fear, your mind isn't zooming off into the past or future, and can be in the present. The only place Life really exists is in the present. When you surrender to the Angel of Death and enter each present moment with gratitude, she becomes the Angel of Life, the best guide to a life well-lived on the Toltec Path and beyond.

TACOMember2: How do you release the fear?

TACOAllan: The fear comes from attachments, which come from the illusion you can control the outcome. The need to control gives rise to the fear you will fail. So you have to try harder, and get more attached to the outcome -- which creates more fear you will fail.

TACOMember3: In other words we are releasing control that we never had in the first place...

TACOAllan: You've got it, TACOMember3.

TACOMember4: How do you let go of attachments?

TACOAllan: You let go of attachments by realizing that you cannot control much of anything in your life. Look back at your life, study it, and you will find that when you got into relationships and then they ended, when you bought a car and it broke down and you replaced it, when your lovely young skin gets wrinkled -- you weren't really orchestrating any of it. The Angel of Death owns all those things. She is in charge, she takes them back when she wants to.

TACOAllan: So surrender to reality, let go of the illusion of control, embrace the Angel of Death with deep gratitude for everything she loans you. When you do, you will wake up in the present moment -- in the arms of the Angel of Life! She is your guide to the joy, celebration, and wonder of each evolving moment of Life. And you are Free.

If you would like to be part of this online Toltec Community and participate in these chats ($1 for the first month) go here to learn more. 

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Each year at Teotihuacán, participants face the Angel of Death, and are invited to surrender the illusion of control in their lives. I invite you to join us this year, September 29-October 4, and make this powerful guide your guide to LIFE. Watch the ceremony in this video:

Allan Hardman teaches about "The Angel of Death" in Teotihuacán, Mexico

Life is happening right now.

Make the Angel of Death/ Angel of Life your guide to this present moment!

I enjoy your feedback.

              Allan

allanh@sonic.net -- Or (707) 528-1271